Howling like a coyote...is healing.

At the end of last year (and likely the entire year!) I was extremely tired and burnt out. I was not only squeezed from the pandemic but also from the many previous years of toil and overwork. I was ready to make a shift to (re)gain a true feeling of balance and health. I didn't want to feel like a robot, like a machine, on autopilot, running from one thing to the next with no time to transition or to just be.

I wanted time and space to appreciate things. I wanted to enjoy the feeling of being energized as a state versus being energized to be more productive to produce things or to work.

I also longed to learn more about me as an Indigenous person and Indigenous practices. I'd been longing for this for some time but never really spent time reading or listening or writing about it until I gave myself this space. 

It was after reading Tricia Hersey's book Rest is Resistance, at the end of last year, that I found the permission I was looking for to actually slow down to rest and do the reading and learning I longed for. Time to dream. 

And then I made the conscious decision to focus my attention on my health rather than creating more offerings or trying to sell services (which is what you do as a services entrepreneur!) I realized I had just enough clients to not need to sell or promote things outside of my Peru retreat. Although sadly my partner, Flavia, and I have decided to move the Peru retreat to next year in light of the instability that was ongoing since December. Our adventure in Peru awaits us in 2024. :)

So I held my own hand as I jumped into an unknown space of doing less. And IT WAS HARD! 

I had to fight the urge to share on social media to promote or write a newsletter and more. But it was a muscle that felt good to build. Because I also realized I didn't have that much to say in my burnt out state. I didn't want to promote things that were not dear to my heart. 

And when I had time and space, I had time to contemplate things, I had time to dream, I had time to process the heavy works I was reading with tears and writing. 

And in this quiet of my own solitude, people reached out to me with many amazing offerings that I could only dream of. One of which was a trip to Cambodia early March (I also made my way to Vietnam and LOVED it)! Another was to do an expensive and comprehensive pilates training I had longed of taking for a tiny cost (except for the cost of time!) and then I've been offered more paid speaking engagements sharing about wellness and healing. This has been really nice. Learning to wait for the call. Our culture holds such high value for over-doing and over-reaching which in turn creates imbalance.

Which brings me to the gift of Indigenous teachings. That we do need to slow down and be quiet to be able to hear what the Universe is really asking of us. We need to pay attention to our dreams. We need to know who we are? "Who are you? Where did your people come from?" That we need ceremony. Ceremony is setting your intention in your yoga practice or at the start of something. Ceremony is offering something up in a prayer or meditation. Ceremony is bringing people a gift when you visit them. That we need to howl so loud like coyotes to release stress and strain and to also connect to the natural world. That we need active imaginations. And that we need community. We need each other. 

I grew up with my incredible single mother, who was fully acculturated due to colonization, who was confused thinking about what it meant to be First Nations which made us (me and my siblings) confused. Her mother, my grandmother, was a residential school survivor so she saw that assimilation would/should bring acceptance. She has now shared regret at not inviting me and my siblings more into Native traditions and language. And she knows now that I've been doubling down on them and in that process me sharing with her what I'm learning brings her immense joy. I'm reclaiming.

Indigenous healing methodologies includes art, ceremony, activities on the land, somatic approaches, herbal medicine, storytelling and talk. 

And I'm excited to share more about these offerings as they are already so inter-related to what I offer. It was in the reading/study phase that I realized I needed to get quiet to hear what was being asked of me. So I will continue to be more quiet. To pay attention to my dreams. To create authentic community. To remember that I am sacred, that I belong, and to continue the work of decolonization. To help ALL realize and remember that this is their right, too.

Below are some of the books I read. I encourage you to read some of these books. I ask that you decide what works for you rather than reach out to me for my opinion. Listen to your instinct. All of them are highly recommended.

Books:

Legacy: Trauma, Story and Indigenous Healing - An incredible and heartfelt read that anyone can read to learn. There is story, trauma and healing here that is based on history. I'd start here if you want to learn about recent historical trauma.

Warrior Princesses Fight Back - Personal stories from twin sisters thriving amongst harsh treatment and chaos.

Healing the Soul Wound - A little more towards the counselor, coach, therapist but has a lot of great tools you can use in your life now.

Buddha in Redface - A beautiful book about dreams and the Buddha.

Decolonizing Trauma Work - Substantive tools and heart writing here. 

Steal My Rage - Heart wrenching short stories and writings from the Canadian Indigenous communities. 

My Grandmother's Hands - Not a Native author but speaks about intergenerational trauma. I love his work.

Big love,
Jess

P.S. I want to thank all my friends and loved ones far and wide for reaching out during this quiet time. Concerned for me. I've been slow to respond as I needed this time in retreat. I'm grateful for you for reminding me of my community. I love you. Thank you!

Inuit art below of a polar bear. Polar bears represent resilience under the harshest conditions. But we need to make sure they have conditions to be resilient in!